Disrupting Negative Self-Talk

Disrupting negative self-talk is essential for building self-esteem and confidence. When we allow ourselves to dwell on harsh, critical thoughts, it can reinforce feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. However, by consciously challenging and reframing these negative thoughts, we can shift our mindset to a more positive and empowering one. For example, replacing “I’m not good enough” with “I am doing my best and I’m proud of my progress” helps promote a healthier self-view. This practice gradually strengthens self-esteem, as it teaches us to recognise our value and capabilities. By reframing negative thoughts, we open the door to self-compassion, fostering a more confident and resilient sense of self.

Here are some tips on helping your child disrupt negative self-talk:

Model Positive Self-Talk: Children learn by example, so demonstrate positive self-talk in your own life. When faced with a challenge, use phrases like, "This is hard, but I can learn from it" or "I made a mistake, and that's okay—I’ll do better next time." This sets a positive example for your child to follow.

Acknowledge Negative Self-Talk: When you hear your child engage in negative self-talk, gently acknowledge it. For example, say, “I noticed you’re saying you’re not good at this. Can we reframe that together?” Help them see the difference between a negative thought and a more positive, empowering one.

Teach Reframing Techniques: Help your child practice replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, if they say, "I’m terrible at this," encourage them to reframe it with, "I’m still learning, and every mistake helps me get better."

Use "Growth Mindset" Language: Teach your child about having a growth mindset, which focuses on effort and progress rather than fixed abilities. Praise their effort by saying things like, “You worked really hard on this,” instead of focusing on the outcome alone.

Encourage Self-Compassion: Remind your child that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to be imperfect. Encourage them to treat themselves with the same kindness and understanding they would offer a friend who is struggling.

Create a “Positive Affirmations” Routine: Introduce your child to the practice of positive affirmations. Together, create a list of uplifting statements they can say daily, like “I am capable,” “I am enough,” or “I have strengths and talents.” This helps reprogram their mindset over time.

Focus on Strengths and Achievements: Regularly highlight your child’s strengths and achievements, both big and small. This can be as simple as celebrating when they try something new or acknowledging their effort in a difficult task. This reinforces their sense of accomplishment.

Help Them Reframe Mistakes: Instead of allowing your child to view mistakes as failures, help them see them as opportunities for growth. Teach them to ask, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I do it differently next time?” This helps them build resilience and confidence.

Create a Safe Space for Vulnerability: Encourage open conversations about emotions and struggles. Let your child know that it's okay to talk about negative feelings without judgment. By giving them space to express themselves, you help them process their emotions in a healthy way and challenge harmful self-talk.

Praise Effort, Not Perfection: Shift the focus from perfection to effort. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” try “You worked so hard on that, and it shows.” This helps your child connect their self-worth with their effort and progress rather than external outcomes, boosting their self-esteem.

Sara Ljuboja
School Counsellor