How to Help Your Child Stand Up for Themselves  

When a child can stand up for themselves, it means they can express their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a confident and respectful way. It involves knowing their own worth, setting healthy boundaries, and speaking up when something doesn’t feel right—whether it’s saying no to peer pressure, telling a friend they didn’t like being excluded, or asking for help from an adult. This skill helps children feel more in control, builds their self-esteem, and empowers them to handle challenges with courage and respect for others.

Teaching children how to stand up for themselves is an essential part of building their confidence and emotional resilience. When kids learn to express their feelings, set boundaries, and speak up in a respectful way, they are better equipped to handle peer pressure, resolve conflicts, and advocate for their needs. This doesn’t mean being aggressive or rude—it’s about helping them find their voice and use it calmly and assertively.

Here are some tips on helping your child stand up for themselves:

Model assertiveness – Show your child how to speak up respectfully by demonstrating it in your own interactions.

Teach "I" statements – Help them use phrases like “I feel upset when…” to express their emotions without blaming others.

Role-play situations – Practice common challenges like being excluded or teased, and rehearse confident, calm responses together.

Encourage eye contact and body language – Teach them how to use posture, eye contact, and a firm voice to show confidence.

Praise efforts – Acknowledge when they speak up or set a boundary, even in small ways, to reinforce positive behaviour.

Discuss real-life examples – Talk about characters in books, shows, or real life who stand up for themselves in kind and respectful ways.

Clarify the difference between assertiveness and aggression – Explain that being firm isn’t the same as being mean – E.g. “It’s okay to say, ‘Please don’t do that,’ but it’s not okay to yell or call names when you’re upset.”

Foster independence – Let them make small decisions to build their confidence and belief in their own voice.

Teach when to get help – Encourage them to seek support from a trusted adult if the situation is too difficult to handle alone.

Normalize mistakes and learning – Remind them it’s okay if things don’t go perfectly—standing up for yourself takes practice and courage.

Sara Ljuboja
School Counsellor